Preface
Why I’m blogging this book for Women and Why Women Should Read It
The answer to this question is obvious: Women, who have a strong desire for a loving relationship with a man, want to find a good man. The problem with most women is they usually attract a wolf in sheep’s clothing. That is, the man they fall head over heals for is like that box of chocolates Forest talked about in the movie, Forest Gump. Forest said, “…life is like a box a chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” And for the most part he’s exactly right. When a woman finds a man who she thinks might be ‘the one ‘ he usually turns out not to be ‘the one,’ but a zero. Today, more women are finding out that trying to find that special someone is like rolling the dice on a Las Vegas casino craps table. In fact, your odds of finding a good man are less than the odds that you can roll a 7 or 11, but it doesn’t have to be this way. And by the time you’re finished reading this blog, your odds of attracting a good man will increase astronomically. I realize this is a big claim to make, but I’m confident the exchange of dialog we are about to embark on will change the way you think about yourself, men, and your future relationship with the man who was uniquely created to share his life with you.
This is a special book. It is the culmination of excerpts of some of my various published and unpublished works on success, spirituality and relationships. The idea for this book came from conversations I had with several women during a signing of my book, How to Stop Hatin Yo Baby’s Momma: A Spiritual and Emotional Guide for Non-Custodial Fathers. I wrote this book to help non-custodial fathers and single mothers work through their issues of conflict with each other in order for each parent to contribute, as much as possible, to the overall development of the child without forcing the child to choose sides. Although written primarily for men, most of the purchasers of this book turned out to be women. In fact, just about everyone who stopped by my table to purchase a copy of the book and talk to me, was female. Most of them wanted to know when I was going to write a female version of the book. “You need to write a book called, How to Stop Hatin Yo Baby’s Daddy,” one woman said. Evidently, these women needed some tools to help to deal with their feelings about the father of the children.
I kept the idea of a sequel fresh in my mind and decided to write something a little better for women. I would dedicate myself to writing a book which included material from ‘How to Stop Hatin Yo Baby’s Momma’ as well as adding new material which would give them the knowledge of how to attract the one they had been after all along; their soul mate. What these women needed, I realized, was knowledge of how to attract the man who was uniquely designed to love them physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
There has already been a lot written about the laws of attraction over the past years. For instance, one day, a couple of years ago, while I was writing in my studio, my wife entered the room and said, “I just got off the phone with my sister and she told me to turn on Oprah. She says there’s this book, The Secret, and they’re talking about it. It’s about how we can attract the things we want into our life. I just listened to her and smiled,” my wife said. She smiled because I had released a self-help motivational audio book in 2006 (the same year The Secret was released) called The Black Man’s Little Book of Success Secrets: 7 Spiritual Secrets for Breaking the Curse of Poverty. The book contained much of the same information as Byrne’s book, and I’m sure, if we were to go back and review all the self-help books published that year, we would find a similar thread running through all of them.
Before the release of The Secret, there were a number of other books that taught similar things. For instance, there was Napoleon Hill’s classic book, Think and Grow Rich, James Allen, As You Think (originally titled, As a Man Thinketh), Esther and Jerry Hicks, teachings of Abraham, the writings of medical intuitive, Carolyn Myss, and numerous books by Gregg Braden, the author of the God Code, not to mention Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, and thousands of others.
Over the years I have read many books, both ancient and contemporary, concerning the law or laws of attraction. When a multitude of books of this nature are released, you need to question and read closely, cautiously. For we mustn’t lose sight of what the law of attraction is all about. People get focused on ‘how to get things’ and forget that the law has more to do with the state of a person’s being than it does with his doing, or his attracting. Thus, the term might need to change to: The Law of Being.
We attract what we are at heart. This is no secret. The Bible put it this way: “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” Thus, there must be a radical transformation at the core of one’s being. We call this core the center, otherwise known as the heart. Your heart must be right if you are ever going to avoid having a stupid man show up in your life. After all, a stupid man is too stupid to see all the wonderful things a good woman can offer him. But if there’s somebody for everybody (and I believe there is), a woman’s soul mate has already been prepared for her. Your soul mate will see all those wonderful things about you the stupid men in your life have missed. We’ve got to prepare you so you’ll know how to recognize your soul mate when he shows up.
So, what makes me qualified to speak to women about relationships? Well, I have a Masters in Codependency and a PhD in Stupidity. No other degrees are necessary. Perhaps, the real answer can be found in another Forest Gump quote: “Stupid is, as stupid does.” In other words, it takes a man who once floated around in his own stupidity, and who made a mess of other women’s lives, to speak to women about how to avoid men who are no good for them. Now, this will be a little different from the ‘men are from mars’ book or the new Steve Harvey book. The approach is from a spiritual perspective but it veers off course from mainstream Christian theology. If you want to stay with traditional Christian approaches to relationships, then neither this blog or the book is for you. The book itself was published last summer for any of you interested.
Now, I’m going to say some things that will make many of you feel uncomfortable. In fact, some of you will get extremely angry by a few of my comments, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. How many times has a friend told you something you might not want to hear at the time, but then later on– after the dust settled– found out the information or insight they shared with you was right on the money. So, resistance is natural. Besides, no person in their right mind wants their ego shattered. We all like to think ‘we’re all that and a bag of chips.’ The truth is: You are not all that, and your chips are crumbled and stale. Your chips are not fit for human consumption. This is why the men you attract treat you like stale chips. They don’t commit to the relationship, they lie to you, and they do whatever they want to you and move on. However, all that’s about to change.
Let’s get this one fact on the table so you can decide if you want to read on: Only stupid women attract stupid men. Now that it’s out there on the table let’s deal with it. No stupid woman will ever attract anything good into her life, and this includes a good man. So if you’re wondering why you keep getting the kind of man you keep getting, the problem is not the man, the problem is you!
Furthermore, if you want to know how to avoid a stupid man or stupid men so that you can attract the man of your dreams, you have to know how to get rid of the stupidity in you. But, before we even get into our discussion about how to attract a good man or the laws of attraction, we need a way of defining stupidity so that you’ll know what I mean when I use the word, stupid. The word stupid is not at all as derogatory as you might believe. Since Webster’s defines a stupid person as someone who lacks ordinary quickness and keenness of mind, I will define a stupid man (or for that matter, a stupid woman) as a person who lacks both, the mental and spiritual ability to see things as they really are. In other words, as far as women are concerned, it is a woman’s lack of clarity concerning her own divinity, her relationship with the Creator and her own internal source of power that causes her to become prey to a man who lacks these same attributes.
In the chapters ahead you’re going to find out why genuine love seems to escape you, and then you’re going to do something about your situation. Most of you will learn how to recognize a stupid man ‘on the spot.’ But some of you–since you are so hell bent on having it your way–will learn to recognize a stupid man after a few meetings. The women in this latter group are those who don’t believe they are responsible for attracting the stupid men who enter their life. It’s just going to take these women a while before they realize they are their own worst enemy. But my first goal is to keep you from ‘going there’ in the first place. By the time you are finished reading this blog or the book, you’ll be on your way to a more meaningful life, the kind of life you’ve always envisioned. So, just hang out with me for an hour or so and enjoy the dialog.
